A friend sent me an article today regarding 25 gym etiquette rules. (The author has an initial set of 27 rules.) While they all don’t involve etiquette as much as success in the gym; they are funny and, sadly, I see them repeated daily. Since I’ve been subbing at several different gyms this week (spring break) I thought I would copy and paste all of the rules that I have seen broken these past five days!!
From the first set of rules…
3. Develop a gym routine. Try to go at least three times a week. Do a mix of strength training and cardiovascular conditioning. After the third week, stop carrying around that satchel of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. (YES…a girl had a baggie of cookies in the water bottle container on their treadmill!?!?! She wasn’t running a marathon on that machine..FTR).
4. No one in the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading “The New Yorker” and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle. No one. (Amen)
5. Bring your iPod. Don’t borrow the disgusting gym headphones, or use the sad plastic radio attachment on the treadmill, which always sounds like it’s playing Kenny Loggins from a sewer.
6. Don’t fall for gimmicks. The only tried-and-true method to lose 10 pounds in 48 hours is food poisoning. (ughhh. I see 1-2 people sign up for dumb, liquid diets at the gym daily. It infuriates me!)
7. Yes, every gym has an overenthusiastic spinning instructor who hasn’t bought a record since “Walking on Sunshine.” (I heard that song playing from a spin room and almost died.)
8. There’s also the Strange Guy Who is Always at the Gym. Just when you think he isn’t here today…there he is, lurking by the barbells. (Fact. He’s always there…)
11. Gyms have two types of members: Members who wipe down the machines after using them, and the worst people in the universe. (I can’t even go there, but I see this NON STOP. What’s so hard about wiping down your disgusting sweat!?!??!)
12. Nope, that’s not a “recovery energy bar with antioxidant dark chocolate.” That’s a chocolate bar. (Thank you. I want to say that daily to the people who buy those sugar bombs.)
14. You can take 10 Minute Abs, 20 Minute Abs, and 30 Minute Abs. There is also Stop Eating Pizza and Eating Sheet Cake Abs—but that’s super tough! (YES!!! Abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym!! I overheard a girl telling her friend that she now “deserved the pizza” they were going to eat after taking my 15 minute ab class. WHAT?!)
16. There’s the
yoga instructor everyone loves, and the yoga instructor everyone hates. Memorize who they are. (Yep. I think I’m loved! :o)
19. If a gym class is going to be effective, it’s hard. If you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself, you’re at brunch. (AMEN!! Get uncomfortable!)
22. Fancy gyms can be seductive, but once you get past the modern couches and fresh flowers and the water with lemon slices, you’re basically paying for a boutique hotel with B.O. (HA! Yep. I teach at a reallyyyy nice gym, but it still smells like a crap gym).
25. Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories. (Andddd providing excuses to your instructor as to why you’ve been MIA for months also burns 0 cals.)
26. A successful gym membership is like a marriage: If it’s good, you show up committed and ready for hard work. If it’s not good, you show up in sweatpants and watch a lot of bad TV. (Fact. You can tell who is in the good or bad “gym” marriage upon first glance at the cardio area of a gym.)
From the second set of rules….
1. The first three months at the gym, you will not lose a drastic amount of weight. However, you will learn an amazing amount about Drew Barrymore while watching “Access Hollywood” on the elliptical trainer. (Yep…the New Years Resolution people are becoming frustrated due to their bodies not changing because they do not get uncomfortable.)
2. Focus on technique. Have an instructor teach you proper form. If you lift a barbell like a 129-year-old man bending over to pick up a turtle, you need some help. (Thank you.)
3. No, you’re not getting a six-pack. You’re just trying to take off your shirt at the beach without people running to their cars. (Thank you! High school boys, please stop lifting your shirt to search for those non-existent abs. Oh, and get a tan!)
4. Avoid gyms next to liquor stores and
Cinnabons Smoothie King. (Or just restrain yourself!)
5. Consider investing in one of those fancy computer wristbands that measures how many calories you burn walking between birthday cake parties in the office. (PLEASEEEE purchase one of these!!)
7. Everyone’s accidentally thrown a gym towel into the trash barrel. Everyone.(Yep. I witnessed it twice this week.)
8. The scale in the locker room weighs everything seven pounds heavier. Do NOT dispute this. The psychological stability of the entire gym membership depends on this. (I hear this complaint hourly!)
9. Every gym in the U.S. has an indestructible issue of People magazine with Katie Holmes on the cover. You can throw it into the recycling, and two weeks later, it will be there, sitting on a treadmill, open to the Katie Holmes article. (Fact.)
15. Everybody has Gym Friends, people they know only from the gym. This is important and humanizing. (LOVE my gym friends. There are people who have been taking my classes for 8+ years and I consider them family.)
17. Wow you really just took a phone call in spinning class? (Amazing. Get off your dang phone during class!! Oh, and DO NOT ask me to turn down my music so you can talk to your decorator during my class. That will result in me turning it up 10 decibels.)
WOW! I saw all those rules broken in 5 days. Honestly, I need to add about 20 more to this list, but I’ll restrain and leave that up to you. What unspoken gym etiquette rule would you add to this list?
Expect a BIG update on Saturday! :o)